Marriage Blessing

I have been reading the Book of Mormon, with a goal to read the entire thing from start to finish again, as part of my Personal Progress goals as a Young Women leader.


Lately, I had been thinking about what a blessing my husband is to me. He really steadies me when my boat rocks. He gives me good counsel when I need it. He is the calm in my storm. He lets me help him too, and I see us as a good team. We're not much alike, but we like each other. That's a gift.


As I read the Book of 1 Nephi, Nephi mentions the day he is married. These are his words.


7 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, took one of the daughters of Ishmael to wife; and also, my brethren took of the daughters of Ishmael to wife; and also Zoram took the eldest daughter of Ishmael to wife.

 8 And thus my father had fulfilled all the commandments of the Lord which had been given unto him. And also, I, Nephi, had been blessed of the Lord exceedingly.

I love that he considers his marriage to be a gift from God, and that by it he has been "blessed of the Lord exceedingly."

This is my sentiment. I hope and pray my own children will find their own blessed marriage someday when their time is right. A happy marriage is something beautiful, and while no marriage is perfect, the goal can be to approximate the ideal--even as imperfect individuals--and look on the gift of marriage as being blessed of the Lord exceedingly.

The End Result of All this Commandment Stuff

In July I was asked to speak in church. It's one of the big, scary things about being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: we have no paid ministry, and the lay members of the church have the "opportunity" to speak in front of the congregation from time to time. Seeing the bishop's number on your caller ID can strike fear in the heart.


Well, my turn rolled around again. This time, the topic was charity.


Sure, I thought. Charity. That's really a nice topic. It's love. I love love. I think about love all the time.
But as I studied, I realized that charity was so, so much more than just plain love.


I'm not going to copy and paste my entire talk into this blog wholesale. (You're welcome.) Instead, I'm going to just note one scripture that I found. I'd been trying to dig around in the scriptures and find out just what a person can do to develop charity (because if you've done much reading on the subject, you know that "without charity" man is "nothing." And that's in there frequently enough to give you a little bit of a scare, if you start to think about it very much.) So, how do I get it?


I Timothy 1:5
 5 Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned:


Mainly, the first phrase is what struck me. That "the END of the commandment is charity." I think it's meaning the end result. And I think the word commandment might be singular to sound poetic. So, my interpretation of this is that the end result of my obedience to God's commandments is the development of charity in my soul.


Well, that...sounded interesting. So I started delineating a few commandments as I put it to the test.


For instance, the commandment to forgive. Yes, obviously! If I forgive, it's my way of thinking that Christ's atonement and love are BIG ENOUGH for EVERYONE, and that there isn't anyone I'd deny that great love to. (And the corollary of this, is that when I do not forgive, it's my way of saying to the Lord, sure. Forgive me because I deserve it. But that guy? He's doesn't. The Atonement isn't big enough for THAT guy. Uh, that doesn't sound good when I put it that way, right?) Anyway, the end result of forgiving others is, voila, charity.


But what about fasting? We have a commandment to fast. (See Isaiah 58 if you want an incredibly beautiful treatise on fasting. Ahhh, it fills me.) When we fast, we also donate the amount of money we would have spent on food that we fasted from to the bishop so he can use it to bless the poor. That's developing self control, giving of ourselves, sacrifice, and loving others more than we love our own passions. Charity.


Extrapolate this with commandment after commandment. It holds up.


And so, I guess the point is, if we want to measure up with charity at the last day and have things be "well with us," to paraphrase Moroni 7:47, a great place to start is by ramping up our obedience to the commandments of God. For all commandments are, if we look closely, attributes of God, the greatest of all being LOVE.


I love how cohesive the scriptures are. How beautiful and rich is the doctrine of God.

He Only Said It Would Be Worth It

Okay, there are varying opinions on the adage, "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it," a quote attributed to the Savior. Which I can never find in the scriptures. However, yes, it has given strength to those who are enduring hard times, so I'm not going to say this is saying has no value. Clearly, it does. Even if it's not actually based in scripture.


Meanwhile, there is a different scripture where the prophet Isaiah talks about something being "worth it." And it isn't referring to us. It's referring to the sacrifice that the Savior made for us.


It is in Isaiah 53: 4-6 and verses 10-11.


4 ¶Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

 5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

 6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

...

10 ¶Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.

 11 He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied.

In the past I have focused on the pain, the grief, the affliction that the Savior endured. For me. And I have felt terrible about it. As I should. And grateful, so deeply grateful that He would love me enough and be devoted to the Father enough to make this infinite sacrifice.

However, on a recent reading of these verses, I found myself focusing on the second part: the part where He says that it pleased Him.

What? It pleased Him? This just stops me in my tracks. But read on. When I make His soul an offering for my sin...He shall see his seed.

In other words, when I actually make His sacrifice efficacious by repenting, by taking the proffered gift of forgiveness, of being made pure and holy once again by His divine power, then He shall see the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied.

So instead of always thinking how sad it is that I've made things worse for the Savior by my bad behavior, I should realize, the Atonement is done. It is, as He said, finished. And now, MY work is to make it WORTH IT for Him by ACCEPTING His unspeakably sacred and generous and soul-wrenching gift... by repenting.

For that is what pleases the Lord.

"Isogashii." A Japanese Word For...

I spent seventeen months in Japan as a missionary a couple of decades ago. Most readers of this blog probably know that. (Most readers of this blog are ... me.)


While I was there, I remember anxiously trying to contact several different families to have them continue with their missionary lessons. But at some point their answer had become, "Ah, isogashii." Japanese for "busy."


I know, I know. People are genuinely busy. There are a lot of demands in modern life. Moreover, there are distractions. There are things we sign ourselves up for that are like a huge time-sucking vortex. Sports, music lessons, clubs, community organizations. Each one may be worthy of our time and attention. But they do make us busy.


And yeah, I know that sometimes the words "I'm busy" is just code for "I don't really want to prioritize that" or "I'm not actually interested." That's just human nature.


Worst, in my case, "I'm busy" can sometimes be code for "I'm too self-absorbed."


But when we are instead filling our days and evenings and lives with things that don't matter as much as the "weightier matters," what are we trading? I think it's a dangerous drift when we let our kids get really busy with activities to where they can't attend family dinners on a regular basis, or they miss their church meetings or don't have time to serve others. Or not just our kids--ourselves.


Sometimes the good is the enemy of the best. Sometimes busy is the enemy of the best, also.


I keep telling myself, if I'm too busy to help a friend in need, I'm too busy. If my kids are too busy to go to their Wednesday night activity at church regularly, they are too busy and need to reevaluate their time. If our family is too busy to eat dinner together, then it's time to chop some activities. Because I don't want the BEST to fall victim to the GOOD.

How Can I Forgive When I'm Still Being Harmed? (The Opposite of Forgive and Forget)

You've read it a hundred times. We have to forgive others if we want to be forgiven of our sins. We know it's true. We believe that with all our hearts. And we want to obey that--really ache to forgive our oppressor--in our desire to approach the Savior.


However, what do we do when that oppression is still going on full force?


This is the conundrum I have been grappling with over the past few months. Years, actually. But it has hit a crescendo in recent days. I want to forgive, I want to move on, I want to keep the commandment to not hold a grudge against my brother. But the damage hasn't ended.
Usually when I think about forgiving someone, I think about a past wrong, something that has ended and I have to reflect on and get over.


But that isn't always the situation. Sometimes it's ongoing. Sometimes there is nothing we can do to escape the situation, and yet, we need the peace of not being angry or upset or even annoyed by the person inflicting the damage.


This is my problem! This is what I'm dealing with! And how do I forgive?
Well, I went to the scriptures, and at first glance, they just made me feel WORSE.


3 Nephi 12: 23-24
23 Therefore, if ye shall come unto me, or shall desire to come unto me, and rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee—

 24 Go thy way unto thy brother, and first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I will receive you.

Yep, I can't even really pray for help if I'm holding this bad feeling in my heart. Right? I'm harboring anger and a grudge, so I'm not worthy to even come to Him. Right? Well, that's how I took it the first hundred times I read it.

Ugh. Worthless. That's how I felt. And despite my efforts, the ongoing nature of the meanness made it hard to let go and forgive. Just when I thought I had it conquered, boom. Something new showed up, and I was upset all over again.

Discouraging.

However, this time when I read it, I noticed something brand new. It was the phrase "if ye...rememberest."

That phrase struck like a gong in my heart.

Sure, I can't change the behavior. I can't change the situation or the circumstance. I can't change the other person.

But I can forget.

Because it sounds like as long as I FORGET that the "aught against me" exists, I don't have to worry about it.


If I FORGET that the bad stuff is happening, then I actually don't really have to figure out how to forgive the person.

Because I totally FORGOT about it.

Huh.

So, after a few days of ruminating on this concept, I realized that since I was going to be stuck in the rotten situation for some time left to come, I started to pray instead to be able to just FORGET.

I mean, I forget absolutely EVERYTHING else.

I forget to buy light bulbs at the store. I forget to pick up my son from track practice. I forget that my daughter needs a new piano book. I forget where I put my shoes, what I was going into the pantry for, that I really need to have laundry done for tomorrow. I'm an EXPERT at FORGET. I begged the Lord to help me forget.

And then, He did. In his divine goodness, He sent me a dozen slap-me-down trials (mentioned in previous posts) that completely distracted me from the irritation inflicted on me by this person. He sent me hard things. He sent me a bunch of people to serve. He sent me an answer to my many prayers to find someone who would listen to the missionaries, so that I'd be busy a couple of days a week helping her prepare for baptism (which she was and did and yay!) He sent me blessings and a desire to finish some goals, like publishing and promoting a book. He sent me a healing of my long-defunct knee and a renewed ability to run several miles in a row.

And...I FORGOT.

At least for a while during those days. Yes, there were a couple of flare-ups. There were a couple of times where I felt like those disciples who were trying to cast out the evil spirit, and the Savior told them, "However, this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting." So I prayed. And fasted.

And I was able to forget. Again.

And even though stuff kept happening, and I'd remember the pain--soon, the Lord would help me refocus on the other issues/blessings/duties/trials of my life, so I could forget. Again.


This has all been happening over the past several months. I'm hoping that sometime circumstances will fully change, that the person will just move away or evaporate from my life. It hasn't happened yet. I'm still in the trenches. And there are good moments and bad. When the bad stuff hits, sometimes I pray for help just to forget for five minutes. And He helps me--and that five minutes stretches much longer. God is good.

It's completely backward from the old adage FORGIVE AND FORGET. Sometimes, frankly, that feels impossible. Instead, maybe it's more doable to FORGET AND FORGIVE.

Because either way, the goal of forgiveness is accomplished.

And forgetting can sometimes be the easiest thing in the world.

Yikes! Be Patient in Affliction...Or Else

When my kids are being little pills, my husband often hangs this nebulous threat over them, "Kids! You'd better stop it or RELSE." It's an aberration of the word else, obviously. The kids will sometimes ask, "What's relse this time?" And then he thinks up some random consequence to their bad behavior, and generally he gets results.


Smart dad, right?


But as I've been dealing with a negative situation over the past several months (years if I think about it), I have been trying to be patient with the, for lack of a better word, affliction. One day a couple of weeks ago, I was really digging into the Book of Mormon, looking for ways to help me handle things, and I came across a couple of verses that simultaneously comforted and scared me.


That's possible, right? Comforting and scaring? At the same time? Well, apparently it's possible.


Here's the verse from Alma chapter 34.

 40 And now my beloved brethren, I would exhort you to have patience, and that ye bear with all manner of afflictions; that ye do not revile against those who do cast you out because of your exceeding poverty, lest ye become sinners like unto them;

 41 But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions.

Did you see that? There's  RELSE in there. A big one.

At first glance, the RELSE looks like "They're sinners and you're not because you're the afflicted one and therefore innocent and spotless." But I'm no dummy. I know I'm not some kind of perfect, sinless martyr. I've got challenges of my own in the way of spiritual growth.

No, I think the "warning relse" here is more specific. And maybe I'm just reading this wrong, but it sounds like "lest ye become sinners LIKE UNTO them." So, wait. Is that really saying that when I'm impatient through persecution, there's a good chance I'll become a cranky old persecutor just like the person I'm being impatient with through their infliction of affliction upon me?

Kinda what that sounds like.

So, yikes-a. Time to suck it up, quit my whining, and be patient through this trial, right? Because more than anything, I want to be kind and loving and ... not be out there heaping persecution on my brother's head.

So I'd better quit it...or RELSE.

Spiritual Cure-All (2)

I was thinking about the power of gratitude to heal me through difficulties I have been facing. It is not only a healer, it also brings extra joy to any situation.


Here's my favorite quote on gratitude. I may have quoted it before. Thank you to Melody Beatty for your insight!

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace into today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." -- Melody Beatty

I really believe this is true! It has been true in my life.


Another thing that has been a salve in my life has been obedience. There's a great story here about a man whose obedience to a good-hearted leader's counsel saved his own soul.


My favorite quote from this story is this:

Obedience is strong medicine. It comes close to being a cure-all.

I have some more thinking about this topic to do. But in the meantime, I can see that my own obedience lately to counsel has been a huge blessing in my life. There is much more I can do to obey God's commandments. And I have much course correcting to do. But I have faith that obedience is medicine--and the way to open the floodgates of blessings.