Finding Peace in Times of Despair

A dear friend of mine lost a child last month, right before Christmas. He was a sweet little boy, so precious. Their loss is terrible and heartbreaking.
And yet, as I read how she is faring, through all the sorrow, I continue to see positivity, strength, faith and hope.
How does she do it?
Well, all her posts refer to her great belief that there is life after this life, that death is not the end, that the children who belong to us here will be ours even after we die, that families are forever--in other words, that the eternal family is part of God's great plan for His children.
In times of extremity we can feel to despair. Without sure knowledge, how can we help but feel tempted to do so? However, setting aside doubt is possible. And when we do, when we let go of doubt, we can find incredible peace. It's like a door in our souls opens up and lets in a wash of light that brings happiness and hope and direction.
I admire my dear friend's faith, and especially her willingness to sacrifice her doubt. Because that's what it is--a sacrifice. Her strength is a strength to me. I think of the losses I've faced in my own life, though not the same as hers, and I can see that belief is so much happier and better than unbelief. Surrendering the crutch of doubt lets me run in the light of faith.

Sleeping Through The Garden

As I have been preparing my heart for Christmas, I have been reading several different scenes from the life of our Lord. One is the Garden of Gethsemane. I read and reread His heavy experience there, trying to comprehend, even a tiny degree, what sacrifice was made there on my behalf.


The thing that struck me this time reading was how alone the Savior was. After the apostles partook of the Last Supper, Jesus invited just Peter, James and John to go with Him on this difficult trek into the deepest abyss of the soul, a place only a God could go and survive. To take on Him all our sins, weaknesses, infirmities, mistakes, all at once, it's just incomprehensible.


But of his companions He asked one thing: stay awake.


And they couldn't.


We've all been there--so tired we simply cannot keep our eyes open, maybe even despite danger. Like driving late at night after a long day. I remember one time I nearly wrecked my car with all my little children inside. The only thing that saved me was calling my husband and having him talk me home, the last ten minutes of the drive. I needed him. I needed his help to get through.


The Savior, all He asked was to have a few friends there to support Him.


And they could not watch one hour.


It's disheartening.


And yet, isn't it a type of the human condition? How "awake" are we on a regular basis to the sacrifice that has been made by our God for us? What is my alertness level to the massive debt of gratitude and honor and fealty I owe to Him who stood between me and Justice, which gapes wide to claim my eternal soul, unless I repent and cast myself at His feet?


Sadly, I know there are days when most of us, self included, hardly give it a passing thought.


Sleeping through it. That's all I do from time to time.


And what He asks is that I stay awake. Be aware of His divine suffering on my behalf.
I love Him. This Christmas season is helping me to wake up. I hope I can stay awake in days and months and years to come.

Getting Off Nephi's Path

This morning I was studying the scriptures about happiness, and I read 1 Nephi 8:10. “And it came to pass that I beheld a tree, whose fruit was desirable to make one happy.”

 

Now, we all know Nephi sees the interpretation of his father’s dream and that the fruit of that tree is the Love of God. I started to think about this happiness, this fruit, this love.

 

My husband has a little orchard. It’s a baby orchard, and this is the first year we will have any fruit. But we do! And there are some fruits out there right now, just waiting to be picked. Pomegranates, apples, and such.

 

It occurred to me that I ought to think of Lehi’s dream fruit like that—just there, waiting. I can go pick it or not. But it’s ready anytime I want it. It won’t pick itself. And it won’t force itself to be tasted, but it’s ready. It’s available. It’s delicious.

 

All my life as I’ve studied Lehi’s vision, I’ve thought of those different groups on the pathway to the Tree of Life. Many are “pressing forward.” And it seems like it’s taking them a lot of effort to cling to that rod. And then, of course, there are groups that don’t make it.

 

When I put myself into this vision, I’d always ask, “Am I clinging to the rod? Am I on that path?” or various questions about whether I was dipping my toe in the filthy water or getting blinded by the mists or heeding the sneers of the people in the great and spacious building across the way. Oh, how I hoped I was on that path! I just desperately wanted to move toward that love.

 

Someday, I thought. Someday!

 

However, when I looked again, I realized Lehi called to his family, and Sariah and Nephi and Sam came immediately. They ate right away. There was no implication that the iron rod that led to the tree was a thousand miles long, a lifetime long.

 

This morning, it occurred to me. I’m not on that path.

 

I’m already at the tree. I have TASTED that fruit! In fact, I’ve been at the tree for a LONG time. I’ve been tasting the fruit, sharing it with my family, trying to share it with the people over whom I have stewardship in church callings and things. Yeah, I’m still clinging to the iron rod of God’s word—trying to, at least. And there are still dangers even once you reach the tree. We just need to keep eating it, and let it, as Alma taught in Alma 32, “be a tree springing up unto everlasting life.”

 

Anyway, maybe my problem with hesitation to share the gospel, to holler out to others to come and taste the fruit is this mental image of where I placed myself: on the path. But mentally I need to get off the path. Recognize that I’m at the tree, and we can all be—right away.

 

It’s time to go invite my dear ones to come and taste.

 

Why God Will ALWAYS Give Us More Than We Can Handle -- According to a 16 Year Old

I love my current assignment in church. I get to work with the young women, and they are a constant source of entertainment, information, and inspiration. Okay, and quite often stress, let's be honest. But I'm focusing on the awesomeness--because there's really a lot of that. Especially what happened on Sunday.


So. On Sunday we were having a lesson on patience during our class. And this new girl, who is a super attractive 16 year old who maybe if you saw her you'd think she didn't have a care in the world. (Which is what we do as humans. Especially female humans. We think attractive people have no problems.)


But she said, "I've had hard things in my life. But the thing I hate is when someone says, 'God will never give you more than you can handle. Because that is just untrue. Completely wrong.'"


And in my head I'm thinking of the scripture in Timothy that says we will never be tempted beyond what we can bear and thinking that in my mind maybe I often confuse those two concepts. Tempted beyond what we can handle isn't the same as tried beyond what we can handle.


So, Miss Gorgeous went on. "Of course God gives us more than we can handle. If we never got more than we could handle, we'd never grow. We'd just get stuff we could handle and move on. No biggie. The thing to remember is that He will never give us more than HE can handle. And then we depend on Him to carry us through it, and then, with His help, we can handle it."


I love that.
So true.


From the mouths of hot babes.

A Commandment I COMPLETELY Missed the Memo On

Yesterday the most fabulous thing happened.

For the past six or eight months, I’ve had a specific worry that has been weighing on my mind and heart. It was a situation that could very much affect my family, and that could potentially cause serious problems.

I’ve spent hours and hours on my knees trying to figure out solutions, begging for insight, making plans to combat this problem.

Finally, about two months ago, I just gave it to God. I’d done everything I could, physically, spiritually, emotionally to make this right. At that point, I just put it in the Lord’s hands, asking him to let my soul rest, to let the right thing work out. If the trial had to be, it had to be, and I would just trust Him to carry us through. It had to be enough. And I placed my faith in Him, that he would bless and protect us.

Along the way, there were little blips of help—things that reminded me He was aware of me, that He cared, and that He was still watching, even though there was no real solution as of yet. Those gave me courage and bolstered my faith.

Yesterday, the situation finally resolved. At last! And the news was good! And the threat has passed, and God is just so good to me. I feel everything lighter as the storm clouds pass away over the horizon. Last night, as I climbed into bed, I told my husband I was afraid I was a little like Memory Foam. That after a long time of pressure, I might not spring back immediately. There might be a bit of time to puff back out to my real shape, but that I could already feel the expansion as the pressure had lifted. Hallelujah.

This morning, as I studied the scriptures, I was pondering on the word “Thanks.” Of course! I looked it up in the topical guide and began going through the scriptures one by one, until one hit me—hard. And it wasn’t the thanks portion of it.

2 Nephi 9:52

Behold, my beloved brethren, remember the words of your God; pray unto him continually by day, and give thanks unto his holy name by night. Let your hearts rejoice.

The remember and the prayer and the thanks parts, I expected. However, it was the verb that starts the final phrase that arrested me.

 

Let your hearts rejoice.

 

Now, I’ve seen that phrase a lot of times in the scriptures. We all have, I know. It’s just there, all the time. For me it almost blends into the background. But…

Today I realized it starts with “let.” And that it can have a couple of meanings.
The first meaning that hit me was taking the word “let” in the meaning “allow.” I need to allow my heart to rejoice.

How many times do good things come to me, and I say, “Wow! That’s great. Now I can really focus on this other problem or weakness.” Or how many times do I think, “Whew. That’s nice. And now if I just didn’t have this other thing, I’d be almost there.”

Ugh! That’s starting to rejoice… and then instantly pulling back. It’s stopping myself from feeling the full joy of the moment, of the blessing.

The second thing I noticed about “let” was that it makes the whole sentence in command form. Let your hearts rejoice. It’s a command. It’s important enough for us to rejoice that the Lord’s words are not a suggestion, “Maybe you should rejoice.” Or “Think about rejoicing, but then move on pretty quick to trying to improve yourself in other ways.” Nope. It’s a command to take the time to rejoice. To fully feel the joy of the blessing He has afforded us.

And so, with that little slap in the face, er, reminder, I am just going to say that today, I am SO HAPPY! I will take the time to fully rejoice, to fully feel the gratitude and goodness of my God, of His love, of His blessing and care and mercy.

And then I am going to think about the other ways, not just this specific thing He’s given me, but the other things He blesses me with so much that they too kind of fade into the background, and LET myself feel joy for them too.

Because “Men are that they might have joy.”

I am going to LET myself have joy today.

The Need to Ponder--And What We Might Be Missing Without It

I was thinking about how connected everyone seems to the Internet these days. It's almost like an IV of information that no one can get off. I know I'm on here quite a few hours a day doing stuff like social networking and research for my writing. When you think about it, it's a little disturbing how much like creepy, mind-numbed robots we must all look from the outside.


There is a danger in being too connected all the time, though. Several dangers, I'm sure, like disconnection from *real* social interaction, that face-to-face time with friends and loved ones; or lack of physical exercise; or just plain idleness and waste of time.


This morning I was thinking about how even during church meetings I see people ignoring the message or the lesson and messing around on their phones. This includes adults and kids. It's almost weird. Of course, when *I* need to look something up, it's "important" that I know it right then... Ugh. I'm such a hypocrite!


Anyway, the danger that came to my mind this morning of always being hooked up to a constant feeding tube of information is our lack of time to ponder. Focused thinking, that's pondering, right? Sometimes I do my best pondering with a pen in one hand and a little notebook in the other, and sometimes it's while I'm driving alone with the radio off. Sometimes I ponder best while I'm on a walk at sunrise watching the full moon set. When do you ponder?


But my pondering time gets cut short throughout the day. Back in times gone by, people did a lot more physical labor than we do now, in general. Work in the fields, work hunting animals, work in the garden, work at the river washing laundry on a rock. It was solitary a lot of times, and there were no radios or audiobooks or music downloads to keep the mind occupied.


There was time to ponder. Plenty of it.


But do we have that? What's preventing us from it? In my case, it's being online too much. Guilty as charged!


But so what? Do we need it? Really?


I submit that we might be missing some important stuff by cutting out that important part of our lives.


A story from the Book of Mormon comes to mind. It's right at the beginning of the first book, First Nephi. Nephi's dad, Lehi, has had this vision about a tree, and Nephi wants to know what it means. All the family does (and their dad apparently doesn't provide any kind of explanation, so they're on their own.) Here's what Nephi says in 1 Nephi 11:1.


1 For it came to pass after I had desired to know the things that my father had seen, and believing that the Lord was able to make them known unto me, as I sat pondering in mine heart I was caught away in the Spirit of the Lord, yea, into an exceedingly high mountain, which I never had before seen, and upon which I never had before set my foot.


There are three things in this that Nephi says he does, and then, what unfolds to him is this miraculous vision (which he shares over several chapters following) and great understanding of his own life, of his family's future, of his posterity--and beyond. It's epic in scope, and he even sees our day. It's amazing.


What three things?
1) He desires to know and understand. He wants it.
2) He believes the Lord is able to make it known unto him.
3) He sits pondering it in his heart (which I assume includes some prayerful asking, but maybe not. It might have just been a think-a-thon.)


The result of his pondering is astounding. He not only sees the things his father saw, he gets to ask the meaning of them. And then he writes them down and tells us about it. It's so amazing. I love it.
And it's all because he did those three things.


Later on, after he's detailed it all, he runs into his brothers, and they're being surly. He asks them what their problem is, and they're arguing about what their father said he saw. Nephi asks a pointed question: Well, guys, have you asked the Lord about it? They answer, Nope. The Lord wouldn't tell us anyway.


The brothers are missing parts 2 and 3 in the formula. They didn't believe God would answer, nor did they bother to ask. Was Nephi more special and favorite and chosen than his brothers? Yes, but only because HE chose to put himself in that position. The Lord would have answered the brothers just as he did Nephi, if they'd believed and asked and pondered. I'm sure of it.


And so, if we have questions, and if we follow Nephi's formula, I'm convinced the answers are there for us. We might not get to see the whole future of our people laid out for us, but we will be able to figure out answers for our own families and children. We will be able to understand how to solve the daily problems, no matter how small or large, that perplex us. But not if we don't take time to ponder. If we are so constantly mind-occupied by things that distract us and occupy us.


Of course, being busy defines daily life. It might be impossible to carve out a pondering time during the day. But maybe I need to get up earlier or simply choose a time to shut down everything noisy or on a screen and simply ponder. Because I have things that perplex me, that I worry about, that I wish I knew how to fix. I trust that God knows how to fix them, though. And this three step method is a way to tap into that great wellspring of His knowledge--that He is willing to give me if I simply desire, believe, and ponder.

Does God Really Have Time for Me?

A few years ago a friend of mine gave me a collection of her favorite quotes. It was so good it made me want to start keeping my own collection. The other day while looking for something else, I found my little quote journal. This thing I'd written down really struck me, and I've been thinking of it every day since.


"[God] has infinite attention to spare for each one of us. He does not have to deal with us in the mass. You are as much alone with Him as if you were the only being He had ever created. When Christ died, He died for you individually just as much as if you had been the only man in the world." --C.S. Lewis


I don't know about everyone else, but there are times when I know the worries in my life are trivial. There are so many others who have bigger concerns, that when I want to pray about my problem, ask for help with my dumb little thing, I feel guilty asking for help. Answering my prayer would be a waste of His time. Right?


This quote says no. That way of thinking is a fallacy. He has infinite time and infinite attention.


My concerns might be small compared to others' but they're still mine, and He still cares for me enough to stop, listen, help. He doesn't have to take His eyes off someone else in order to look my way. I am not a waste of His time.


How liberating! How comforting! How much LOVE I feel just in this idea alone.


I am His. He is mine. And He cares for me and my cares, great or small. It makes me want to go to Him more, to trust Him more, to give him more opportunities to guide and bless my life.