Hard Times and Healing and Being Grateful For Trials

Sometimes we have a season of testing. I took a notable long break from adding to this blog while I went through the fires of testing during the balance of 2016. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only soul who found last year to be particularly trying.


However, throughout all the months of struggle, which initially left me feeling wounded and weak, I was able to turn to the One Source of healing: our Savior Jesus Christ. I have learned in my extremity about His immense power to heal and to make us whole.


Often, I have heard people tell me to be grateful for trials. This idea? Pretty tough. It's even tougher when we're reminded to be not only grateful *for* the trial, but also *in* the trial. Yeah, I'm not master of that at this time. (Which likely means I need quite a lot more testing, alas. Buckling up for the ride to continue.)


I have, for certain, however, become grateful for the growth that has come out of the harrowing up of my soul.


When I was a kid, I lived on a farm in Idaho. There were a lot of farm implements my dad pulled behind his John Deere tractor--balers, swathers, discs, and the scariest one: the harrow. Another name for it was "the ripper." It had a long line of curved blades on it, each tipped with an arrow shaped knife. The blades lowered into the soil, and then the tractor dragged it across the packed ground, making the area ready to plant.


When the scriptures say stuff with the term "harrow" it's often in terms of "harrowed up my soul." I'd always just thought of that in terms of pain. Ripped up my soul. Ouch, right? Just left me in a pile of tumbled dirt clods. Clumps. Messy. But I never really considered that as a situation that prepared the soul for planting of good seeds, a necessary step in the long process of the harvest of our souls, making us fruitful.


I love the Lord for His long-term plan for me and for each of us. I'm glad He lets me be a work in progress.

Three Simple Steps to Getting More From the Scriptures

This morning as I was reading the scriptures, I came across the phrase "feasting upon the words of Christ" as a suggestion for how we can press forward with faith.
As I saw it, I thought about how that's even possible. I mean, some days I'm reading and I know it's more of my standing at a buffet while I'm on some wacky diet, where I can only snag a floret of raw broccoli or a tablespoon of bacon bits--and yet I know all that is there and available to me, but I just am not partaking.
So how can I FEAST?
I remember hearing this formula over the years, and it's so simple, like reaching for more food at the buffet, and eventually allows me to fill up my plate.

1) Make a list of my biggest concerns/challenges today--stuff that perplexes or troubles me.

Maybe it's a problem with parenting, or with other relationships. Maybe it's health or financial challenges. Maybe it's a spiritual worry or doubt creeping up. Maybe it's a doctrinal question--something that has been challenged by my interactions with the world.

2) Pray about the thing(s) on the list.

3) Open the scriptures and actually search for answers.

If the topic doesn't readily appear in the daily reading I'm doing, I can use one of the indexes of topics, or maybe follow a footnote, or pray to know where to read.


That's it. Maybe the full answer to the perplexity won't TA-DA! appear all at once, but I've never done this where I didn't at least come across a portion of a solution, whether it's just a sense of peace that helps me hang on while the answer is still percolating.


It seems almost too simple to be effective, but literally YEARS of doing this has shown me that it's real and that it works. I will admit to not using it consistently, and to floundering in darkness or despair until I remembered aha! to get back to the basics of feasting on the words of Christ to solve my dilemmas.


I'm so thankful for the feast that the scriptures are to my soul. Especially when I come hungry to them, I am always filled.

Reading Between the Lines, Opening the Books and Opening our Souls

Today as I was reading some chapters in Isaiah, after a very stressful few weeks, I found the message that seemed to seep into my heart to detox from all the stress I've been feeling was that I needed to spend some time outside, to look at the sky and at God's beautiful creation, and also that I should bring some order to my home.


These brought me peace, as reading the scriptures frequently does, and as I followed the inspiration things in my life felt much healthier, for lack of a better word.


However, after a while, I decided to go back and look at the verses that had inspired me, and there's really nothing about the beauties of nature, nothing about bringing order to my home, nothing about any of that.


All I can think is that the Holy Ghost prompted my mind to see things that weren't really there, things that could bring me peace and healing, showed me between the lines.


I think reading the scriptures, whether the very printed words answer our deepest concerns or not, opens us up to the inspiration we need in our lives.


So, I guess it could be a couplet, of sorts:


OPEN THE SCRIPTURES and
OPEN YOUR SOUL TO DIRECTION FROM GOD.

The Chosen Ones (and How To Be One)

As a writer and a reader, I love the "chosen one" stories as much as the next guy. Harry Potter? The chosen one. Luke Skywalker, Annakin too, chosen. Leven Thumps, chosen. The list goes on.


I think these themes resonate with us because we all secretly wish we were the chosen one, special, set apart, meant for higher things than groveling in the lowlands of oppression.


Over the millennia of recorded history, there has been that same theme, and we find it in the Old Testament. Joseph of Egypt was chosen. So was Moses. Chosen to deliver their people.


But what if they hadn't heeded the call to be chosen? What if they'd ignored it, done nothing, refused to obey the call. Would they still be chosen? Not exactly.


So, am I chosen? Are you? Who is?


I have wondered this from time to time. I think there was some annoyance from the surrounding tribes when the People of Israel showed up saying they were the Chosen People. It might incite animosity--possibly (likely) based on jealousy. Chosen of God. Wow. That's a big claim.


But how does it originate? What about those questions posed above, the ones about those who refuse the call? And if someone is chosen, does that mean they're better/more loved/the favorite child/more important? Does this even mean God could be unfair to some of His children?


I found a scripture that seems to answer that question. It comes from 1 Nephi 17:35 in the Book of Mormon.


 35 Behold, the Lord esteemeth all flesh in one; he that is righteous is favored of God. But behold, this people had rejected every word of God, and they were ripe in iniquity; and the fulness of the wrath of God was upon them; and the Lord did curse the land against them, and bless it unto our fathers; yea, he did curse it against them unto their destruction, and he did bless it unto our fathers unto their obtaining power over it.


Clarity! God loves us all the same. The way to be chosen? It's for US to choose HIM.


That turns the whole concept on its ear for me.


To be chosen, all I need to do is choose His ways, be reliable, be a daughter He can count on to do what He needs done with the capacity He has given me.


What a gracious, fair, praiseworthy God we have.

Spritual Cure-All (Part 1)

I've had a rip-roarer of a summer. Lots of ups and downs and busy times. Mostly quite a bit of stress based on The Unknown. Isn't the unknown the worst kind of stress sometimes? I once read a quote:

"There is no pain so exquisite as the agony of suspense." --- Joseph Smith

So, this past week, just as things seemed to really pile up (including, but not limited to, learning of the failure of a marriage of someone very close, a health crisis for one of my children, and having to be the one to choose to put down our cute little doggy due to the ravages of cancer) I was getting pretty overwhelmed by it all.


It wasn't exactly a "Why me?" It was more a "Woe is me," putting my head in my hands and slowly shaking it back and forth. Isn't life like that often? When it rains it pours? Or we have periods of time when all these hard things happen seemingly at once?


Well, I was trying like crazy to keep this all in perspective, and to not let myself wallow. But it was kind of hard. I thought maybe if I did one of those psychology things where you write down all your things and then tear them up and throw them in the trash I'd get over it. However, I instead found I liked looking at my list of challenges and thinking about how tough things were. I stuck that list in the back of my scriptures and glanced at it in the mornings and took comfort in the idea that I was being tested. Warped, right?


So, that approach? Not helpful.


As I was studying the scriptures, I realized I'd been taught many times over the years in lessons, talks, and by the hymns, that gratitude might help me. There's the old standby

When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed

When you are discouraged thinking all is lost

Count your many blessings

Sigh. I decided I'd try it. I'd done it before. Not lately... but it had actually worked in the past.


So I looked up "thank" in the topical guide of the scriptures, and I found this.

2 Nephi 9:52

52 Behold, my beloved brethren, remember the words of your God; pray unto him continually by day, and give thanks unto his holy name by night. Let your hearts rejoice.

Several things hit me. I had been praying continually by day, through all these trials, but I hadn't been doing step two and three. I hadn't been as thankful, especially for the trials, as I should be, each night as I prayed. And I definitely hadn't heeded the counsel to LET my heart rejoice.


So, I decided I'd pull out my Wallow List from the back of my scriptures. It was about fifteen items long, all the heavy things I'd been facing for the past few months. Several of them had already worked themselves out. Well, God had worked them out.


An illness? Healed. And a greater appreciation of my general good health was gained. Losing the dog? Hard to see a good side to that, but the kids did gain an appreciation for the sacredness of life of all God's creatures. That was a good thing. My child's terrifying health challenge? Tests came back positive, and treatment is simple and not merely inexpensive--free. Wondrous!

And like this, I went down my list, taking note of how the Lord had supported me in my trials, and starting to be more thankful, and actually LETTING my heart rejoice.

And in no time, I found I had much to rejoice about. God has really blessed me, protected me, comforted me, in all these difficult things.


I realize that I'd often just brushed off the blessings of a relief of one trial with the whiny answer, "But I still have this one."


Yes, I am still in the midst of some difficult things. The "agony of suspense" remains.


But despite the struggle, I can still find the cure to it by gratitude. I really believe it might be the great cure to most ills.


God is good. His teaching bring peace.

Crying in the Darkness

One of the most dramatic and inspiring stories in the Book of Mormon, in my opinion comes in the 5th chapter of Helaman. In it, there are two missionaries imprisoned, bound, starved and their captors have come to kill them when a miracle occurs and they are delivered by a pillar of fire. Awesome. (I love the stories in this book so much.)



However, the part that struck me this morning was in verse 40 and 41, which comes later in the story, and doesn't happen to the missionaries, but to their fellow prisoners.


The prisoners have watched this miracle occur. And then they hear this voice out of heaven come to them. It tells them to repent and seek no more to destroy the servants of God. It comes two more times. The prisoners don't know what to do.

And then, a huge cloud of darkness comes and blots out all the light.


Okay. So that's got to be scary. Probably at the time the prison was some deep pit, too. (Just guessing.) They are really worried. They ask:

 40 And it came to pass that the Lamanites said unto him: What shall we do, that this cloud of darkness may be removed from overshadowing us?

And then a fellow-prisoner speaks up. His name is Aminadab, and he's been there with them a while. Probably not a great guy. Possibly a dissenter from God's path. But something awakens in this man and he knows what to do. Here's the quote:

 41 And Aminadab said unto them: You must repent, and cry unto the voice, even until ye shall have faith in Christ, who was taught unto you by Alma, and Amulek, and Zeezrom; and when ye shall do this, the cloud of darkness shall be removed from overshadowing you.

The thing that just slammed into my mind this morning was the "repent, cry unto the voice UNTIL ye shall have faith."




So, the repent thing isn't something that's going to take forever. It can be an instant change for them, a change of heart. But they still don't have faith, perhaps. But they have to cry unto the voice until they have faith.


Sometimes we've been in darkness. We are scared. We don't know what to do. We don't even know what to believe or how. But if we repent--soften our hearts and turn from hardness--then cry unto the Lord UNTIL we have faith, it is granted. The light does come.


In this story, as soon as they cry out for faith, the light comes. And understanding. Oh, yeah, and angels! (I told you this story was dramatic.)


But I also like the verb chosen: cry out. It's not the same word as pray. I sometimes think the word "pray" connotes a softness, a calm effort, a meditation almost.


Not this one. Instead, it's "cry out." This is an active, involved, urgently motivated calling upon God.


I'm pretty sure we've all been there at some point. I know I have. And I also know that the light does come. He loves us. He hears our cries.

On a morning quite a while ago, I was freaking out.


There were a lot of things going wrong with stuff I thought I'd had organized and squared away totally. But all my best-laid plans had gone awry. It was stuff I was doing for Church, and I was feeling pretty alone in my efforts, despite great support from my husband and some other people I serve with.


Still, the struggle persisted, and stuff had to be done and fixed and I was truly discouraged. I spent quite a bit of time on my knees. Should I admit that I was in tears too? I guess I will. Maybe it's good to tell people that I cry about stuff? I don't know. But there it is: I was crying. Probably ugly-crying (which is *obviously* why I had unexpected company show up in the midst of that morning. Luckily they only stayed a few minutes.)


Finally, I decided that I was going to do what I felt I should do in asking for help, and that I'd begged the Lord to help me with. Not knowing if what I was doing was right, or whether it was just a product of my own frenzied mind, I muscled through the fog of indecision and discouragement.


Within just a few minutes, like seriously, fifteen minutes, the situation resolved--to my huge relief and satisfaction and gratitude.


Later that morning I came across this scripture and it pierced me. I know it's true:


2 Peter 3:9


 9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward.


The Lord was so longsuffering with me. So kind. So gentle and helpful and generous in giving me what I needed as I was trying to serve. He'd promised to help me and guide me as I try to serve, and on this morning, He surely had not been slack concerning His promise.


He never is. He is true. He is unchanging. He is love. We can trust the goodness of our great God.

A Commandment I COMPLETELY Missed the Memo On

Yesterday the most fabulous thing happened.

For the past six or eight months, I’ve had a specific worry that has been weighing on my mind and heart. It was a situation that could very much affect my family, and that could potentially cause serious problems.

I’ve spent hours and hours on my knees trying to figure out solutions, begging for insight, making plans to combat this problem.

Finally, about two months ago, I just gave it to God. I’d done everything I could, physically, spiritually, emotionally to make this right. At that point, I just put it in the Lord’s hands, asking him to let my soul rest, to let the right thing work out. If the trial had to be, it had to be, and I would just trust Him to carry us through. It had to be enough. And I placed my faith in Him, that he would bless and protect us.

Along the way, there were little blips of help—things that reminded me He was aware of me, that He cared, and that He was still watching, even though there was no real solution as of yet. Those gave me courage and bolstered my faith.

Yesterday, the situation finally resolved. At last! And the news was good! And the threat has passed, and God is just so good to me. I feel everything lighter as the storm clouds pass away over the horizon. Last night, as I climbed into bed, I told my husband I was afraid I was a little like Memory Foam. That after a long time of pressure, I might not spring back immediately. There might be a bit of time to puff back out to my real shape, but that I could already feel the expansion as the pressure had lifted. Hallelujah.

This morning, as I studied the scriptures, I was pondering on the word “Thanks.” Of course! I looked it up in the topical guide and began going through the scriptures one by one, until one hit me—hard. And it wasn’t the thanks portion of it.

2 Nephi 9:52

Behold, my beloved brethren, remember the words of your God; pray unto him continually by day, and give thanks unto his holy name by night. Let your hearts rejoice.

The remember and the prayer and the thanks parts, I expected. However, it was the verb that starts the final phrase that arrested me.

 

Let your hearts rejoice.

 

Now, I’ve seen that phrase a lot of times in the scriptures. We all have, I know. It’s just there, all the time. For me it almost blends into the background. But…

Today I realized it starts with “let.” And that it can have a couple of meanings.
The first meaning that hit me was taking the word “let” in the meaning “allow.” I need to allow my heart to rejoice.

How many times do good things come to me, and I say, “Wow! That’s great. Now I can really focus on this other problem or weakness.” Or how many times do I think, “Whew. That’s nice. And now if I just didn’t have this other thing, I’d be almost there.”

Ugh! That’s starting to rejoice… and then instantly pulling back. It’s stopping myself from feeling the full joy of the moment, of the blessing.

The second thing I noticed about “let” was that it makes the whole sentence in command form. Let your hearts rejoice. It’s a command. It’s important enough for us to rejoice that the Lord’s words are not a suggestion, “Maybe you should rejoice.” Or “Think about rejoicing, but then move on pretty quick to trying to improve yourself in other ways.” Nope. It’s a command to take the time to rejoice. To fully feel the joy of the blessing He has afforded us.

And so, with that little slap in the face, er, reminder, I am just going to say that today, I am SO HAPPY! I will take the time to fully rejoice, to fully feel the gratitude and goodness of my God, of His love, of His blessing and care and mercy.

And then I am going to think about the other ways, not just this specific thing He’s given me, but the other things He blesses me with so much that they too kind of fade into the background, and LET myself feel joy for them too.

Because “Men are that they might have joy.”

I am going to LET myself have joy today.

The Need to Ponder--And What We Might Be Missing Without It

I was thinking about how connected everyone seems to the Internet these days. It's almost like an IV of information that no one can get off. I know I'm on here quite a few hours a day doing stuff like social networking and research for my writing. When you think about it, it's a little disturbing how much like creepy, mind-numbed robots we must all look from the outside.


There is a danger in being too connected all the time, though. Several dangers, I'm sure, like disconnection from *real* social interaction, that face-to-face time with friends and loved ones; or lack of physical exercise; or just plain idleness and waste of time.


This morning I was thinking about how even during church meetings I see people ignoring the message or the lesson and messing around on their phones. This includes adults and kids. It's almost weird. Of course, when *I* need to look something up, it's "important" that I know it right then... Ugh. I'm such a hypocrite!


Anyway, the danger that came to my mind this morning of always being hooked up to a constant feeding tube of information is our lack of time to ponder. Focused thinking, that's pondering, right? Sometimes I do my best pondering with a pen in one hand and a little notebook in the other, and sometimes it's while I'm driving alone with the radio off. Sometimes I ponder best while I'm on a walk at sunrise watching the full moon set. When do you ponder?


But my pondering time gets cut short throughout the day. Back in times gone by, people did a lot more physical labor than we do now, in general. Work in the fields, work hunting animals, work in the garden, work at the river washing laundry on a rock. It was solitary a lot of times, and there were no radios or audiobooks or music downloads to keep the mind occupied.


There was time to ponder. Plenty of it.


But do we have that? What's preventing us from it? In my case, it's being online too much. Guilty as charged!


But so what? Do we need it? Really?


I submit that we might be missing some important stuff by cutting out that important part of our lives.


A story from the Book of Mormon comes to mind. It's right at the beginning of the first book, First Nephi. Nephi's dad, Lehi, has had this vision about a tree, and Nephi wants to know what it means. All the family does (and their dad apparently doesn't provide any kind of explanation, so they're on their own.) Here's what Nephi says in 1 Nephi 11:1.


1 For it came to pass after I had desired to know the things that my father had seen, and believing that the Lord was able to make them known unto me, as I sat pondering in mine heart I was caught away in the Spirit of the Lord, yea, into an exceedingly high mountain, which I never had before seen, and upon which I never had before set my foot.


There are three things in this that Nephi says he does, and then, what unfolds to him is this miraculous vision (which he shares over several chapters following) and great understanding of his own life, of his family's future, of his posterity--and beyond. It's epic in scope, and he even sees our day. It's amazing.


What three things?
1) He desires to know and understand. He wants it.
2) He believes the Lord is able to make it known unto him.
3) He sits pondering it in his heart (which I assume includes some prayerful asking, but maybe not. It might have just been a think-a-thon.)


The result of his pondering is astounding. He not only sees the things his father saw, he gets to ask the meaning of them. And then he writes them down and tells us about it. It's so amazing. I love it.
And it's all because he did those three things.


Later on, after he's detailed it all, he runs into his brothers, and they're being surly. He asks them what their problem is, and they're arguing about what their father said he saw. Nephi asks a pointed question: Well, guys, have you asked the Lord about it? They answer, Nope. The Lord wouldn't tell us anyway.


The brothers are missing parts 2 and 3 in the formula. They didn't believe God would answer, nor did they bother to ask. Was Nephi more special and favorite and chosen than his brothers? Yes, but only because HE chose to put himself in that position. The Lord would have answered the brothers just as he did Nephi, if they'd believed and asked and pondered. I'm sure of it.


And so, if we have questions, and if we follow Nephi's formula, I'm convinced the answers are there for us. We might not get to see the whole future of our people laid out for us, but we will be able to figure out answers for our own families and children. We will be able to understand how to solve the daily problems, no matter how small or large, that perplex us. But not if we don't take time to ponder. If we are so constantly mind-occupied by things that distract us and occupy us.


Of course, being busy defines daily life. It might be impossible to carve out a pondering time during the day. But maybe I need to get up earlier or simply choose a time to shut down everything noisy or on a screen and simply ponder. Because I have things that perplex me, that I worry about, that I wish I knew how to fix. I trust that God knows how to fix them, though. And this three step method is a way to tap into that great wellspring of His knowledge--that He is willing to give me if I simply desire, believe, and ponder.