The Chosen Ones (and How To Be One)

As a writer and a reader, I love the "chosen one" stories as much as the next guy. Harry Potter? The chosen one. Luke Skywalker, Annakin too, chosen. Leven Thumps, chosen. The list goes on.


I think these themes resonate with us because we all secretly wish we were the chosen one, special, set apart, meant for higher things than groveling in the lowlands of oppression.


Over the millennia of recorded history, there has been that same theme, and we find it in the Old Testament. Joseph of Egypt was chosen. So was Moses. Chosen to deliver their people.


But what if they hadn't heeded the call to be chosen? What if they'd ignored it, done nothing, refused to obey the call. Would they still be chosen? Not exactly.


So, am I chosen? Are you? Who is?


I have wondered this from time to time. I think there was some annoyance from the surrounding tribes when the People of Israel showed up saying they were the Chosen People. It might incite animosity--possibly (likely) based on jealousy. Chosen of God. Wow. That's a big claim.


But how does it originate? What about those questions posed above, the ones about those who refuse the call? And if someone is chosen, does that mean they're better/more loved/the favorite child/more important? Does this even mean God could be unfair to some of His children?


I found a scripture that seems to answer that question. It comes from 1 Nephi 17:35 in the Book of Mormon.


 35 Behold, the Lord esteemeth all flesh in one; he that is righteous is favored of God. But behold, this people had rejected every word of God, and they were ripe in iniquity; and the fulness of the wrath of God was upon them; and the Lord did curse the land against them, and bless it unto our fathers; yea, he did curse it against them unto their destruction, and he did bless it unto our fathers unto their obtaining power over it.


Clarity! God loves us all the same. The way to be chosen? It's for US to choose HIM.


That turns the whole concept on its ear for me.


To be chosen, all I need to do is choose His ways, be reliable, be a daughter He can count on to do what He needs done with the capacity He has given me.


What a gracious, fair, praiseworthy God we have.

Marriage Blessing

I have been reading the Book of Mormon, with a goal to read the entire thing from start to finish again, as part of my Personal Progress goals as a Young Women leader.


Lately, I had been thinking about what a blessing my husband is to me. He really steadies me when my boat rocks. He gives me good counsel when I need it. He is the calm in my storm. He lets me help him too, and I see us as a good team. We're not much alike, but we like each other. That's a gift.


As I read the Book of 1 Nephi, Nephi mentions the day he is married. These are his words.


7 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, took one of the daughters of Ishmael to wife; and also, my brethren took of the daughters of Ishmael to wife; and also Zoram took the eldest daughter of Ishmael to wife.

 8 And thus my father had fulfilled all the commandments of the Lord which had been given unto him. And also, I, Nephi, had been blessed of the Lord exceedingly.

I love that he considers his marriage to be a gift from God, and that by it he has been "blessed of the Lord exceedingly."

This is my sentiment. I hope and pray my own children will find their own blessed marriage someday when their time is right. A happy marriage is something beautiful, and while no marriage is perfect, the goal can be to approximate the ideal--even as imperfect individuals--and look on the gift of marriage as being blessed of the Lord exceedingly.

The End Result of All this Commandment Stuff

In July I was asked to speak in church. It's one of the big, scary things about being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: we have no paid ministry, and the lay members of the church have the "opportunity" to speak in front of the congregation from time to time. Seeing the bishop's number on your caller ID can strike fear in the heart.


Well, my turn rolled around again. This time, the topic was charity.


Sure, I thought. Charity. That's really a nice topic. It's love. I love love. I think about love all the time.
But as I studied, I realized that charity was so, so much more than just plain love.


I'm not going to copy and paste my entire talk into this blog wholesale. (You're welcome.) Instead, I'm going to just note one scripture that I found. I'd been trying to dig around in the scriptures and find out just what a person can do to develop charity (because if you've done much reading on the subject, you know that "without charity" man is "nothing." And that's in there frequently enough to give you a little bit of a scare, if you start to think about it very much.) So, how do I get it?


I Timothy 1:5
 5 Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned:


Mainly, the first phrase is what struck me. That "the END of the commandment is charity." I think it's meaning the end result. And I think the word commandment might be singular to sound poetic. So, my interpretation of this is that the end result of my obedience to God's commandments is the development of charity in my soul.


Well, that...sounded interesting. So I started delineating a few commandments as I put it to the test.


For instance, the commandment to forgive. Yes, obviously! If I forgive, it's my way of thinking that Christ's atonement and love are BIG ENOUGH for EVERYONE, and that there isn't anyone I'd deny that great love to. (And the corollary of this, is that when I do not forgive, it's my way of saying to the Lord, sure. Forgive me because I deserve it. But that guy? He's doesn't. The Atonement isn't big enough for THAT guy. Uh, that doesn't sound good when I put it that way, right?) Anyway, the end result of forgiving others is, voila, charity.


But what about fasting? We have a commandment to fast. (See Isaiah 58 if you want an incredibly beautiful treatise on fasting. Ahhh, it fills me.) When we fast, we also donate the amount of money we would have spent on food that we fasted from to the bishop so he can use it to bless the poor. That's developing self control, giving of ourselves, sacrifice, and loving others more than we love our own passions. Charity.


Extrapolate this with commandment after commandment. It holds up.


And so, I guess the point is, if we want to measure up with charity at the last day and have things be "well with us," to paraphrase Moroni 7:47, a great place to start is by ramping up our obedience to the commandments of God. For all commandments are, if we look closely, attributes of God, the greatest of all being LOVE.


I love how cohesive the scriptures are. How beautiful and rich is the doctrine of God.

He Only Said It Would Be Worth It

Okay, there are varying opinions on the adage, "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it," a quote attributed to the Savior. Which I can never find in the scriptures. However, yes, it has given strength to those who are enduring hard times, so I'm not going to say this is saying has no value. Clearly, it does. Even if it's not actually based in scripture.


Meanwhile, there is a different scripture where the prophet Isaiah talks about something being "worth it." And it isn't referring to us. It's referring to the sacrifice that the Savior made for us.


It is in Isaiah 53: 4-6 and verses 10-11.


4 ¶Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

 5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

 6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

...

10 ¶Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.

 11 He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied.

In the past I have focused on the pain, the grief, the affliction that the Savior endured. For me. And I have felt terrible about it. As I should. And grateful, so deeply grateful that He would love me enough and be devoted to the Father enough to make this infinite sacrifice.

However, on a recent reading of these verses, I found myself focusing on the second part: the part where He says that it pleased Him.

What? It pleased Him? This just stops me in my tracks. But read on. When I make His soul an offering for my sin...He shall see his seed.

In other words, when I actually make His sacrifice efficacious by repenting, by taking the proffered gift of forgiveness, of being made pure and holy once again by His divine power, then He shall see the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied.

So instead of always thinking how sad it is that I've made things worse for the Savior by my bad behavior, I should realize, the Atonement is done. It is, as He said, finished. And now, MY work is to make it WORTH IT for Him by ACCEPTING His unspeakably sacred and generous and soul-wrenching gift... by repenting.

For that is what pleases the Lord.

"Isogashii." A Japanese Word For...

I spent seventeen months in Japan as a missionary a couple of decades ago. Most readers of this blog probably know that. (Most readers of this blog are ... me.)


While I was there, I remember anxiously trying to contact several different families to have them continue with their missionary lessons. But at some point their answer had become, "Ah, isogashii." Japanese for "busy."


I know, I know. People are genuinely busy. There are a lot of demands in modern life. Moreover, there are distractions. There are things we sign ourselves up for that are like a huge time-sucking vortex. Sports, music lessons, clubs, community organizations. Each one may be worthy of our time and attention. But they do make us busy.


And yeah, I know that sometimes the words "I'm busy" is just code for "I don't really want to prioritize that" or "I'm not actually interested." That's just human nature.


Worst, in my case, "I'm busy" can sometimes be code for "I'm too self-absorbed."


But when we are instead filling our days and evenings and lives with things that don't matter as much as the "weightier matters," what are we trading? I think it's a dangerous drift when we let our kids get really busy with activities to where they can't attend family dinners on a regular basis, or they miss their church meetings or don't have time to serve others. Or not just our kids--ourselves.


Sometimes the good is the enemy of the best. Sometimes busy is the enemy of the best, also.


I keep telling myself, if I'm too busy to help a friend in need, I'm too busy. If my kids are too busy to go to their Wednesday night activity at church regularly, they are too busy and need to reevaluate their time. If our family is too busy to eat dinner together, then it's time to chop some activities. Because I don't want the BEST to fall victim to the GOOD.

How Can I Forgive When I'm Still Being Harmed? (The Opposite of Forgive and Forget)

You've read it a hundred times. We have to forgive others if we want to be forgiven of our sins. We know it's true. We believe that with all our hearts. And we want to obey that--really ache to forgive our oppressor--in our desire to approach the Savior.


However, what do we do when that oppression is still going on full force?


This is the conundrum I have been grappling with over the past few months. Years, actually. But it has hit a crescendo in recent days. I want to forgive, I want to move on, I want to keep the commandment to not hold a grudge against my brother. But the damage hasn't ended.
Usually when I think about forgiving someone, I think about a past wrong, something that has ended and I have to reflect on and get over.


But that isn't always the situation. Sometimes it's ongoing. Sometimes there is nothing we can do to escape the situation, and yet, we need the peace of not being angry or upset or even annoyed by the person inflicting the damage.


This is my problem! This is what I'm dealing with! And how do I forgive?
Well, I went to the scriptures, and at first glance, they just made me feel WORSE.


3 Nephi 12: 23-24
23 Therefore, if ye shall come unto me, or shall desire to come unto me, and rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee—

 24 Go thy way unto thy brother, and first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I will receive you.

Yep, I can't even really pray for help if I'm holding this bad feeling in my heart. Right? I'm harboring anger and a grudge, so I'm not worthy to even come to Him. Right? Well, that's how I took it the first hundred times I read it.

Ugh. Worthless. That's how I felt. And despite my efforts, the ongoing nature of the meanness made it hard to let go and forgive. Just when I thought I had it conquered, boom. Something new showed up, and I was upset all over again.

Discouraging.

However, this time when I read it, I noticed something brand new. It was the phrase "if ye...rememberest."

That phrase struck like a gong in my heart.

Sure, I can't change the behavior. I can't change the situation or the circumstance. I can't change the other person.

But I can forget.

Because it sounds like as long as I FORGET that the "aught against me" exists, I don't have to worry about it.


If I FORGET that the bad stuff is happening, then I actually don't really have to figure out how to forgive the person.

Because I totally FORGOT about it.

Huh.

So, after a few days of ruminating on this concept, I realized that since I was going to be stuck in the rotten situation for some time left to come, I started to pray instead to be able to just FORGET.

I mean, I forget absolutely EVERYTHING else.

I forget to buy light bulbs at the store. I forget to pick up my son from track practice. I forget that my daughter needs a new piano book. I forget where I put my shoes, what I was going into the pantry for, that I really need to have laundry done for tomorrow. I'm an EXPERT at FORGET. I begged the Lord to help me forget.

And then, He did. In his divine goodness, He sent me a dozen slap-me-down trials (mentioned in previous posts) that completely distracted me from the irritation inflicted on me by this person. He sent me hard things. He sent me a bunch of people to serve. He sent me an answer to my many prayers to find someone who would listen to the missionaries, so that I'd be busy a couple of days a week helping her prepare for baptism (which she was and did and yay!) He sent me blessings and a desire to finish some goals, like publishing and promoting a book. He sent me a healing of my long-defunct knee and a renewed ability to run several miles in a row.

And...I FORGOT.

At least for a while during those days. Yes, there were a couple of flare-ups. There were a couple of times where I felt like those disciples who were trying to cast out the evil spirit, and the Savior told them, "However, this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting." So I prayed. And fasted.

And I was able to forget. Again.

And even though stuff kept happening, and I'd remember the pain--soon, the Lord would help me refocus on the other issues/blessings/duties/trials of my life, so I could forget. Again.


This has all been happening over the past several months. I'm hoping that sometime circumstances will fully change, that the person will just move away or evaporate from my life. It hasn't happened yet. I'm still in the trenches. And there are good moments and bad. When the bad stuff hits, sometimes I pray for help just to forget for five minutes. And He helps me--and that five minutes stretches much longer. God is good.

It's completely backward from the old adage FORGIVE AND FORGET. Sometimes, frankly, that feels impossible. Instead, maybe it's more doable to FORGET AND FORGIVE.

Because either way, the goal of forgiveness is accomplished.

And forgetting can sometimes be the easiest thing in the world.

Yikes! Be Patient in Affliction...Or Else

When my kids are being little pills, my husband often hangs this nebulous threat over them, "Kids! You'd better stop it or RELSE." It's an aberration of the word else, obviously. The kids will sometimes ask, "What's relse this time?" And then he thinks up some random consequence to their bad behavior, and generally he gets results.


Smart dad, right?


But as I've been dealing with a negative situation over the past several months (years if I think about it), I have been trying to be patient with the, for lack of a better word, affliction. One day a couple of weeks ago, I was really digging into the Book of Mormon, looking for ways to help me handle things, and I came across a couple of verses that simultaneously comforted and scared me.


That's possible, right? Comforting and scaring? At the same time? Well, apparently it's possible.


Here's the verse from Alma chapter 34.

 40 And now my beloved brethren, I would exhort you to have patience, and that ye bear with all manner of afflictions; that ye do not revile against those who do cast you out because of your exceeding poverty, lest ye become sinners like unto them;

 41 But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions.

Did you see that? There's  RELSE in there. A big one.

At first glance, the RELSE looks like "They're sinners and you're not because you're the afflicted one and therefore innocent and spotless." But I'm no dummy. I know I'm not some kind of perfect, sinless martyr. I've got challenges of my own in the way of spiritual growth.

No, I think the "warning relse" here is more specific. And maybe I'm just reading this wrong, but it sounds like "lest ye become sinners LIKE UNTO them." So, wait. Is that really saying that when I'm impatient through persecution, there's a good chance I'll become a cranky old persecutor just like the person I'm being impatient with through their infliction of affliction upon me?

Kinda what that sounds like.

So, yikes-a. Time to suck it up, quit my whining, and be patient through this trial, right? Because more than anything, I want to be kind and loving and ... not be out there heaping persecution on my brother's head.

So I'd better quit it...or RELSE.

Spiritual Cure-All (2)

I was thinking about the power of gratitude to heal me through difficulties I have been facing. It is not only a healer, it also brings extra joy to any situation.


Here's my favorite quote on gratitude. I may have quoted it before. Thank you to Melody Beatty for your insight!

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace into today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." -- Melody Beatty

I really believe this is true! It has been true in my life.


Another thing that has been a salve in my life has been obedience. There's a great story here about a man whose obedience to a good-hearted leader's counsel saved his own soul.


My favorite quote from this story is this:

Obedience is strong medicine. It comes close to being a cure-all.

I have some more thinking about this topic to do. But in the meantime, I can see that my own obedience lately to counsel has been a huge blessing in my life. There is much more I can do to obey God's commandments. And I have much course correcting to do. But I have faith that obedience is medicine--and the way to open the floodgates of blessings.

Spritual Cure-All (Part 1)

I've had a rip-roarer of a summer. Lots of ups and downs and busy times. Mostly quite a bit of stress based on The Unknown. Isn't the unknown the worst kind of stress sometimes? I once read a quote:

"There is no pain so exquisite as the agony of suspense." --- Joseph Smith

So, this past week, just as things seemed to really pile up (including, but not limited to, learning of the failure of a marriage of someone very close, a health crisis for one of my children, and having to be the one to choose to put down our cute little doggy due to the ravages of cancer) I was getting pretty overwhelmed by it all.


It wasn't exactly a "Why me?" It was more a "Woe is me," putting my head in my hands and slowly shaking it back and forth. Isn't life like that often? When it rains it pours? Or we have periods of time when all these hard things happen seemingly at once?


Well, I was trying like crazy to keep this all in perspective, and to not let myself wallow. But it was kind of hard. I thought maybe if I did one of those psychology things where you write down all your things and then tear them up and throw them in the trash I'd get over it. However, I instead found I liked looking at my list of challenges and thinking about how tough things were. I stuck that list in the back of my scriptures and glanced at it in the mornings and took comfort in the idea that I was being tested. Warped, right?


So, that approach? Not helpful.


As I was studying the scriptures, I realized I'd been taught many times over the years in lessons, talks, and by the hymns, that gratitude might help me. There's the old standby

When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed

When you are discouraged thinking all is lost

Count your many blessings

Sigh. I decided I'd try it. I'd done it before. Not lately... but it had actually worked in the past.


So I looked up "thank" in the topical guide of the scriptures, and I found this.

2 Nephi 9:52

52 Behold, my beloved brethren, remember the words of your God; pray unto him continually by day, and give thanks unto his holy name by night. Let your hearts rejoice.

Several things hit me. I had been praying continually by day, through all these trials, but I hadn't been doing step two and three. I hadn't been as thankful, especially for the trials, as I should be, each night as I prayed. And I definitely hadn't heeded the counsel to LET my heart rejoice.


So, I decided I'd pull out my Wallow List from the back of my scriptures. It was about fifteen items long, all the heavy things I'd been facing for the past few months. Several of them had already worked themselves out. Well, God had worked them out.


An illness? Healed. And a greater appreciation of my general good health was gained. Losing the dog? Hard to see a good side to that, but the kids did gain an appreciation for the sacredness of life of all God's creatures. That was a good thing. My child's terrifying health challenge? Tests came back positive, and treatment is simple and not merely inexpensive--free. Wondrous!

And like this, I went down my list, taking note of how the Lord had supported me in my trials, and starting to be more thankful, and actually LETTING my heart rejoice.

And in no time, I found I had much to rejoice about. God has really blessed me, protected me, comforted me, in all these difficult things.


I realize that I'd often just brushed off the blessings of a relief of one trial with the whiny answer, "But I still have this one."


Yes, I am still in the midst of some difficult things. The "agony of suspense" remains.


But despite the struggle, I can still find the cure to it by gratitude. I really believe it might be the great cure to most ills.


God is good. His teaching bring peace.

Crying in the Darkness

One of the most dramatic and inspiring stories in the Book of Mormon, in my opinion comes in the 5th chapter of Helaman. In it, there are two missionaries imprisoned, bound, starved and their captors have come to kill them when a miracle occurs and they are delivered by a pillar of fire. Awesome. (I love the stories in this book so much.)



However, the part that struck me this morning was in verse 40 and 41, which comes later in the story, and doesn't happen to the missionaries, but to their fellow prisoners.


The prisoners have watched this miracle occur. And then they hear this voice out of heaven come to them. It tells them to repent and seek no more to destroy the servants of God. It comes two more times. The prisoners don't know what to do.

And then, a huge cloud of darkness comes and blots out all the light.


Okay. So that's got to be scary. Probably at the time the prison was some deep pit, too. (Just guessing.) They are really worried. They ask:

 40 And it came to pass that the Lamanites said unto him: What shall we do, that this cloud of darkness may be removed from overshadowing us?

And then a fellow-prisoner speaks up. His name is Aminadab, and he's been there with them a while. Probably not a great guy. Possibly a dissenter from God's path. But something awakens in this man and he knows what to do. Here's the quote:

 41 And Aminadab said unto them: You must repent, and cry unto the voice, even until ye shall have faith in Christ, who was taught unto you by Alma, and Amulek, and Zeezrom; and when ye shall do this, the cloud of darkness shall be removed from overshadowing you.

The thing that just slammed into my mind this morning was the "repent, cry unto the voice UNTIL ye shall have faith."




So, the repent thing isn't something that's going to take forever. It can be an instant change for them, a change of heart. But they still don't have faith, perhaps. But they have to cry unto the voice until they have faith.


Sometimes we've been in darkness. We are scared. We don't know what to do. We don't even know what to believe or how. But if we repent--soften our hearts and turn from hardness--then cry unto the Lord UNTIL we have faith, it is granted. The light does come.


In this story, as soon as they cry out for faith, the light comes. And understanding. Oh, yeah, and angels! (I told you this story was dramatic.)


But I also like the verb chosen: cry out. It's not the same word as pray. I sometimes think the word "pray" connotes a softness, a calm effort, a meditation almost.


Not this one. Instead, it's "cry out." This is an active, involved, urgently motivated calling upon God.


I'm pretty sure we've all been there at some point. I know I have. And I also know that the light does come. He loves us. He hears our cries.

How Should I Approach Prayer?

The Savior Jesus Christ visited the American continent after his death and resurrection. He taught them and blessed them and organized His church among them. The incident is recounted in the Book of Mormon, my favorite book. I love the Bible too and the stories of Christ's life in Jerusalem while He lived His perfect life of service on the Earth.




At the end of the first day of His teaching of the people in the New World, He told them He was going to leave, but that He would come again on the morrow, so please go gather up all their friends who hadn't been there that day.




However, then a miracle occurred--even beyond what miracle they'd experienced already. When He announced this, they looked on Him with tears in their eyes, as if they would ask him to stay.


They didn't have to say anything. He knew the desires of their hearts.




And because of the desire of their hearts, he said, in great love, that they could bring to Him their sick and afflicted, and that He would do for them what He'd done for their brethren in Jerusalem: heal them.




As I read this a few days ago, I thought about this, and several things struck me. One, that the Lord truly saw and knew the deep desires of their hearts. Two, that their eyes were trained on Him, and filled with emotion.




I wondered to myself, would that be a better way to approach my prayers? To (mentally/spiritually) train my eyes on Him, and then express my deepest desire to be healed, and for my loved ones to be healed physically and spiritually?




Maybe so. And I have a lot to learn about the true nature of prayer, it would seem.

On a morning quite a while ago, I was freaking out.


There were a lot of things going wrong with stuff I thought I'd had organized and squared away totally. But all my best-laid plans had gone awry. It was stuff I was doing for Church, and I was feeling pretty alone in my efforts, despite great support from my husband and some other people I serve with.


Still, the struggle persisted, and stuff had to be done and fixed and I was truly discouraged. I spent quite a bit of time on my knees. Should I admit that I was in tears too? I guess I will. Maybe it's good to tell people that I cry about stuff? I don't know. But there it is: I was crying. Probably ugly-crying (which is *obviously* why I had unexpected company show up in the midst of that morning. Luckily they only stayed a few minutes.)


Finally, I decided that I was going to do what I felt I should do in asking for help, and that I'd begged the Lord to help me with. Not knowing if what I was doing was right, or whether it was just a product of my own frenzied mind, I muscled through the fog of indecision and discouragement.


Within just a few minutes, like seriously, fifteen minutes, the situation resolved--to my huge relief and satisfaction and gratitude.


Later that morning I came across this scripture and it pierced me. I know it's true:


2 Peter 3:9


 9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward.


The Lord was so longsuffering with me. So kind. So gentle and helpful and generous in giving me what I needed as I was trying to serve. He'd promised to help me and guide me as I try to serve, and on this morning, He surely had not been slack concerning His promise.


He never is. He is true. He is unchanging. He is love. We can trust the goodness of our great God.

When You Have to Say No

Quite a few years ago, my husband was asked to serve in a certain position in the Church. His family has always taught him, just as mine has taught me, that when the Lord asks, the answer is yes.


However, in this case, there were some real complications to saying yes. Without going into detail, there were phone calls made to higher ups in the state as well as in the Church, and ultimately, my husband had to say no, he wouldn't be able to serve.


(Strangely to some, I'm sure) this was kind of a trial. Part of me wanted to know why the Lord wouldn't just let the issuers of the invitation know that my husband wasn't going to be able to do it and inspire them to move on to another man instead.


I thought about it for a long time.


It also made me reflect on something that had happened a couple years before that. I'd been serving as the president of an organization. At the time that organization seemed very difficult to staff with leaders. As president it was my responsibility to seek spiritual guidance and make recommendations on who might be right to serve with me. However, it seemed like my recommendations were regularly rejected. But I'd been so certain! I started wondering if I even had any right to inspiration or if I was just a total dud.


These two situations I juggled mentally for a long time. Finally, I talked with someone who suggested a completely different idea to me. He said,


Sometimes the Lord will inspire a leader to ask someone to serve, not because that person will ultimately fill the position, but so that the person being asked will know that the Lord considers them *worthy* to serve in that capacity. It is a confirmation to them that God loves them.


Huh. This put a new spin on things for me entirely. I reflected again on the many names I'd tendered to the bishop years before asking for help in my organization that were ultimately not selected. And I realized that the Lord hadn't given me bad information, and that He hadn't either left me high and dry. And that my spiritual guidance detector hadn't necessarily been broken. (Frankly, that was my greatest fear.)


And so, I realized too that this may relate to young men and women who have been out serving as missionaries and for one reason or another have come home before the originally planned time period, despite their worthiness and willingness to serve.


But I think it's good to recall that life is more of a "to be" list than a "to do" list. And the "to be" in all these cases comes down to those two "W" words: Willing and Worthy.


So, I guess those two "W" words are what I guess I should work on this week. And remembering that the Lord loves me. And you. And all of us. And He is aware of our hearts and wants to let us know in myriad ways of His great, abiding love.

When the Light Comes On

Last night when I got home from the youth group meeting (after being gone from 3 p.m. to almost 9:00), I was beat. But my 9 year-old said, "Mommy, can you help me with my math?"


Sigh. It has been a long year with the workbook she's using. It just won't click with her cute little mind. So we sat down and ... it was long division.


Do you remember learning long division? Was it the easiest, most fun thing ever? I'll wager my whole plate of blueberry muffins it wasn't.


I had a feeling we had a long night ahead of us.


Step by step I worked the first problem. Then I handed her the pencil and walked her through the second problem. And the third, and the fourth. Then on the fifth, I put her on her own. She started great. And got stuck. She couldn't remember to bring down the digit. So I drew an arrow on all the earlier problems, and then she drew the arrow on her own and brought it down. The visual clue kind of helped.


She worked it, found the answer, and then ... the smile. "Oh, Mommy. I think I get it."


She didn't. On the next three problems she got stuck in the same place after bringing down the digit.
But with a little reminder, telling her to look at the problems she'd done earlier for the steps, she did get it. She did!


Then I wrote down the steps:
1- Goes into
2- Multiply
3- Subtract
4- Bring down
Repeat 1, 2, 3, 4.


Maybe that won't make sense to anyone else, but it was how we were talking it out. I wrote it in the front cover of her workbook.


She worked the rest of the problems--including the story problems, and anyone out there who doesn't give a slight shudder at the term "story problem" ... is pretty much alone.


When we shut the book an hour later, she said, "Mommy! Long division is easy!"


The light had come on. And it shone! Not some dull little 20 watt bulb, either.


She went to bed happy, and so did I.


So this morning, I helped her double check last night's work with multiplication, and she still remembered the formula and still thought it was easy.


Is that success? I submit to you, gentle readers, that it is.


So now I sat here remembering the sweetness of it and thinking, I wonder if this is how the Lord feels when he has given us a challenge, walked us through it a few times, held our hand, given us the chance to work it out ourselves, and then sees us think we learned it, and then sees us rejoice when the light of understanding and growth really comes on.


I truly believe He rejoices with us. And I believe He gives us problems--including stuff akin to long division, and even worse, story problems of life, and the guidance to get through them. Best of all, His Son was there to set the example for how to get through any and all of our struggles. He felt the pain and will bless us through them.


He is the perfect Teacher.


I love Him so dearly.

Finding Peace in Times of Despair

A dear friend of mine lost a child last month, right before Christmas. He was a sweet little boy, so precious. Their loss is terrible and heartbreaking.
And yet, as I read how she is faring, through all the sorrow, I continue to see positivity, strength, faith and hope.
How does she do it?
Well, all her posts refer to her great belief that there is life after this life, that death is not the end, that the children who belong to us here will be ours even after we die, that families are forever--in other words, that the eternal family is part of God's great plan for His children.
In times of extremity we can feel to despair. Without sure knowledge, how can we help but feel tempted to do so? However, setting aside doubt is possible. And when we do, when we let go of doubt, we can find incredible peace. It's like a door in our souls opens up and lets in a wash of light that brings happiness and hope and direction.
I admire my dear friend's faith, and especially her willingness to sacrifice her doubt. Because that's what it is--a sacrifice. Her strength is a strength to me. I think of the losses I've faced in my own life, though not the same as hers, and I can see that belief is so much happier and better than unbelief. Surrendering the crutch of doubt lets me run in the light of faith.